After having such a good time with Resident Evil 5: Lost in Nightmares, I jumped right in to Assassin’s Creed 2: Battle of Forli. Unfortunately, Battle of Forli proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that not all DLC is created equal. What I thought was going to be an awesome continuation of the Assassin’s Creed 2 storyline, was really little more than a carrot dangled in front of my face, and I don’t appreciate it.

You start Battle of Forli where Assassin’s Creed 2 leaves off. You, being an assassin and all that, decide to do what you do best and continue to assassinate people. You meet up with Caterina Sforza, a character who had a smaller part in Assassin’s Creed 2’s main plotline (… and history), and basically start working as her personal kill-o-tron. You fight alongside her, defend her land, kill people she doesn’t like, and so forth. That’s pretty much the entirety of the game. I really wish I was just being lazy and giving you a half assed description, but I am not.

The problem with Battle of Forli is that there isn’t anything here that wasn’t in the original game. While Resident Evil 5: Lost in nightmares was great because it gave us classic Resident Evil gameplay in an updated system, Battle of Forli basically shoves the same old gameplay from Assassin’s Creed 2 down our throats again, except now it is much less interesting as we have already beaten the game once before.

The game is short … very short. In fact, it isn’t even a complete game. You play through the story until just before what you would believe is the climax, and then everything goes on the fritz. The “data is corrupt” which is a fancy way of saying “buy the second DLC package, Bonfire of the Vanities, if you want to see more. It’s cheap and honestly feels a bit insulting. Yeah, it’s less than five dollars to get this game, but I would have rather waited and paid 10 to get a full game than 4 to get a chopped up one.

Prior to the DLC’s release there was a bunch of hype going on about Caterina Sforza’s reproductive organs and I can tell you that this is little more than a hype machine. All she does is flash her panties to us at one point in a fit of mad rage, and while it is amusing it is nowhere near enough to make this game worth getting.

The only cool part about Battle of Forli is the fact that you basically have free access to the glider, but it never does much for you. It’s the same old mission based gameplay that you saw in the original, and you can beat it easily in under an hour, 40 minutes tops. 4 dollars for 40 minutes of entertainment simply isn’t worth it. Lap dances have a higher return rate than that. Actually, that’s a good idea. Go get lap dance. It’s a better use of your money and you get to see more panty shots.

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• Assassin’s Creed: Bloodlines — No … Just No
• Trailer: 13 Assassins
• Ninja Assassins Review: Looking for CGI Decapitations and Dismemberments but Not Much Story? You Found It!!
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