Breaking Action News: Total Recall Totally Recalled!

Share on Facebook posted 06-04-09 by Angelo D'Argenio

Are you a gigantic fan of the Governator? So much so that you want to see him on the big screen again? Well, too bad, because Arnold Schwarzenegger has said he is far too busy with important gubernatorial business (and The Expendables) to make time for a true movie career. Still, he lives on in our memories, as old Arnold films continue to be remade one after another after another. We already saw Terminator Salvation hit theaters, complete with a digitized Arnie, but what if you are a sci-fi fan who wants something a little more goofy with a lot less Christian Bale?

Then look no further, because according to Variety, Kurt Wimmer, the man behind Salt and Law Abiding Citizen, is going to be writing the reboot (as appropriate as that word is) of Total Recall, the thrilling Schwarzenegger sci-fi adventure best known for that awesome alien chick with three breasts.

Of course, the movie is known for more than tri-mammaried beauties … at least we assume so (even though Total Recall fans never seem to talk about anything other than, well, the three-breasted alien chick). So we have assembled some of the greatest clips of this Governator masterpiece of a film, real fan favorites — if the fans cared about anything other than what’s featured in this picture.

Out of the Frying Pan

This was how the movie ended. Arnold fondles a magic booby and then people fry in an overblown oven. Can you believe what we were like back in 1990? We looked at their big bulging eyes and clownlike latex masks and said, “Woah, it’s like they are really suffocating and cooking alive!” That, and the unbelievably long tumble down the side of the mountain, make this one of our favorite campy movie endings ever, and we really hope that the campiness is retained in the remake. I’m fairly certain that’s not how people react when they are deprived of oxygen and are exposed to deadly radiation, but it was awesome anyway. We know you want to make a contemporized adaptation, Wimmer, but we want eyeball explosions!

Need a Ride?

What’s best about this scene is how stereotypically ’80s it is. Yes, Total Recall came out in 1990, but the world was still getting over Toxic ’80s Syndrome, and it shows in this scene. From the cheesy background music to the stereotypical black cab driver to that guy who jumps onto the hood of the villain’s car as a sheer matter of poor stunt choreography, this scene really captures what was so great and cheesified about movies at the time. They just don’t do breakaway walls and glass like they did in the ’80s (early ’90s) anymore. Unfortunately, this scene is just too ’80s to be safely shown on our website, according to YouTube, so you can watch the original here.

How Arnold vs. Sharon Stone Should Have Gone

Holy crap, Sharon Stone! You can’t do that to a man! Seriously, lay off the crotch shots! Can you imagine the pain Arnold must be in right now? This probably explains why he walked so stiffly in Terminator 2. And why, when the camera panned lovingly up the Governator’s digitally generated naked body in Salvation, the picture got mysteriously dark and blurry when it reached Arnold’s groin area.

Total Recall: The Abridged Version

Just in case you don’t know anything about Total Recall — or if, say, it’s been nearly 20 years since you laid eyes on it — we have prepared a crash course for you. This is Total Recall in about seven minutes. Trust us, you will get all you need from this video; it’s just like watching the real thing, and you can even pause it when you see the chick with three breasts, just as we all did back in the day with the full movie!

Kuato Sings “In Your Eyes”

Nothing moves me to tears more than this very special music video. If anyone can sing a love ballad, it is Kuato, one of the most popular and deeply developed characters from Total Recall. With fan clubs all over the Internet, how could Kuato not do justice to this touching Peter Gabriel ballad?