OK, so vampire fiction has always had a bit of a rough run with the action crowd, it’s true. What Blade and Underworld portrayed as horrible spawns of darkness ready to bust a cap in your ass and slice your head open with a katana, if they were just too busy to bother to eat you that is, other authors and screenwriters have notoriously taken the “artistic” route with vampires, and by artistic, I mean pussified. You see vampires get all these cool powers of super strength, super speed, the ability to turn into a bat or mist, and of course immortality, and unfortunately the only thing vampires without gun licenses seem to be able to do is whine about how much their life sucks now that they are basically superheroes with fangs. It’s not surprising considering that most of these vampire stories are written for the emo kids who hang out around Hot Topic. Case and point: Twilight… but at least there is werewolf parkour in this next one. No … no we are not kidding.

But that is all about to change… hopefully! According to Bloody Disgusting, Universal Pictures is going to reboot Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles. Yes, this is the same book series that Interview With The Vampire came from back in the day, with Lestat Du Lioncort. So what is the difference between this adaptation and the other fluffy fru fru Hot Topic adaptations we have seen so far? Well, for one, Robert Downey Iron Man Sherlock Holmes Jr. is in talks to play Lestat. Awesome! (Also we are fairly certain he will soon be officially changing his middle names to Iron Man Sherlock Holmes.) Second, the idea is to shift the series down into a much darker tone. This means more death, more vampire hunting, more flat out murder, and these are all things that the action crowd can seriously get behind.

Now, this isn’t a guaranteed action hit, in fact we are all much more excited about the upcoming action hit Willem Dafoe Shoots You in the Face With a Crossbow… sorry, Daybreakers, we meant Daybreakers, but seriously Robert Downey Jr. is far better than any of this pretty boy vampire bullshit that has been shoved down our throats. Let’s hope that this is a resurrection of vampires as the fangy badasses they really are! Down with Twilight! Up with Willem Dafoe and a Crossbow, or Robert Downey Jr., or both, we don’t care, just stop it with the Twilight already!

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• Doug Liman Blog: Sherlock Holmes Premiere — Getting My Dose of Schmoozing, Meeting Robert Downey, and a Fun Movie All in One Night
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