Cleanup on Aisle Four! Dumb-Ass Shopping Cart Wipeouts

Share on Facebook posted 06-24-09 by Angelo D'Argenio

Shopping cart stunts are known for creating some of the most extreme wipeouts on the face of the planet. However, after a comprehensive survey of the Internet’s video sites, I am now prepared to go further in my pronouncements: In short, there has never been a shopping cart stunt in the history of mankind that has been successful. Really! Shopping cart stunts are a variety of daredevilry that exists for the sole purpose of generating wipeouts. Oh, how far stunt theory has come — and how low the human race has sunk — when we have people who perform these stunts knowing they will get hurt. Oh well, more amusement for us. Let’s watch, shall we?

“Get In It!”

This was bound to happen sooner or later. In the age of the rider-mower, when even the act of mowing one’s own lawn is deemed just too much darned exercise, someone is inevitably going to get tired of pushing around these shopping carts on foot, and the next logical progression is motor power. Given that we haven’t yet found the perfect motor-powered, independently running shopping cart, pushing it with a car is the next best thing. The most miraculous thing about this video: The guy doesn’t wipe out too hard. Shopping cart stunts are famous for breaking bones, and he simply stumbles out of the cart and walks away. Way to be a ninja, random shopping cart dude!

The Ramp

Ah, here come those broken bones I mentioned. These guys decide to run their busted-up shopping cart down a drainage pipe with two riders. What happens when they hit water? A classic wipeout. The rider in the back ends up doing OK, but the rider in the front bears the full impact of the shopping cart — and his buddy — ramming his face into the pavement. Brilliant idea, guys — I’m sure you’ll be up for a Darwin Award someday.

Head-On Collisions

Do you know what keeps going through my mind as I see these videos? The simple question, Why? Why? What on earth could have made these guys think that what they were doing was a good idea? How many lapses of judgment do you have to have to rocket toward a full dumpster in a shopping cart at high speed, in an attempt to jump into the dumpster? The best-case scenario lands you in garbage!

The Country Road

What do you get when you put together a beat-up old Chevy, a long streach of country road, a chain, a shopping cart, and several people with no common sense? Well, you get an interesting way to save some space in your truck. Just tack the cart onto the back and tow your extra passengers along. I’m sure they won’t mind the wind, or the inevitable wipeouts, which I suggest you fast-forward to the end to see.