Top Tube Picks: Merlin and the Mystical Tale of the Crappy Special Effects

Share on Facebook posted 02-08-10 by Max Tedaldi

Syfy network has just acquired the popular BBC program Merlin, which it plans to air beginning this April. Whether US audiences will swoon over a young version of the wizard bumbling over chaste maidens and discovering his mythical destiny has yet to be seen, but the show has scored favorable ratings over seas, particularly with the tween set.

For those of you unfamiliar with the series, Merlin is about to begin its third season in the U.K. It is the tale of an adolescent Merlin who must discover his own power while meeting all of the players who will play significant roles in his life. Having watched several episodes, Merlin remains somewhat of a mystery to me. The fantasy element of the show is right up my alley. I should really love this show. I should be obsessed with it. I spent way too much time being obsessed with The Once and Future King and The Lost Years of Merlin in my childhood, so what is disappointing about the show is not that it’s horrible. It isn’t by any means horrible. Merlin is a show that I would love to love, a show that I want to be a 10 but have to painfully acknowledge that it’s a 6.

It’s not to say that Merlin isn’t entertaining. It has dragons, evil sorcerers and wonderfully awkward teenage interactions. I guess in that way it’s a lot like Harry Potter. Actually most of the dialogue sounds like it could have been directly cut and pasted from Rowling’s yarn of wizardry. Characters emphatically say “brilliant!” whenever anything, literally anything, is exciting, and awkwardly add an “r” to their use of the word ass. Merlin actually reads so much like Harry Potter (young man discovers he has a remarkable destiny in the wizarding world) that it will make you wonder which story is copying which. For the record, Harry Potter stole from the Kind Arthur canon, which in turn stole from Harry Potter.

What Merlin does remarkably well, is follow in the rich British tradition of television shows that have compelling storylines and characters, and the most god-awful, stifle vomit from erupting into your mouth, special effects. Shows like Doctor Who can get away with it because the characters are so damn charming, but I am not sure that Merlin is so lucky. The special effects wouldn’t be so noticeably poor, were it not for their lopsidedness. Some of the small CGI effects look polished and film quality, whereas the big, melt your face explosions and CGI mythic beasts look downright 1993. In a part reminiscent of one of Orson Welles’ final roles John Hurt plays a CGI dragon that looks like a big fruity, hissing Charizard. If it wasn’t so funny it would probably be embarrassing.

That brings me to my main point. In watching episodes of Merlin I have realized that I enjoy watching bad special effects just as much, if not more, than really good special effects. Where quality special effects, as found in Avatar and Transformers, transport you to another world where anything that can be imagined by a computer is possible, bad special effects to the exact opposite. They put you right into your chair, bed or wherever you’re watching, and force you to hysterically convulse in epileptic fits of laughter that results in the spilling of your treasured milk duds. You’re not in a world inhabited by Na’vi or a fighter in Optimus Prime’s noble autobot army. You are a shlub watching a BBC show about medieval teenage wizards, and what is funnier than that.

So in honor of my discovery of the art of the poorly done special effect, I have assembled a collection of clips that offer the very best of the very worst. Enjoy!

Star Wars Re-Edit: Hans & Jabba

So much has been said about the bastardization of this trilogy at the hands of the very man who crafted it that I’d rather not be a follower hopping on the bandwagon. That still doesn’t excuse this scene. What made Lucas think that it would look better/professional to have footage from 1976 along with current (for the time) CGI? The worst part is that the CGI doesn’t even hold up. Yikes! The part when Han steps on Jabba’s tail is excruciating.

Deep Blue Sea: BAMF Shark

For those of you who haven’t seen this film, I apologize in advance for the spoiler. By showing you this scene I am actually spoiling the entire movie because this scene pretty much sums up all that this film has to offer. I don’t think this scene is meant to be funny, but I am having a difficult time thinking of anything funnier that humans have created. This is an inspired bit of filmmaking that is only improved by the grainy CGI shark.

Dead Alive: Kung Fu Priest

The effects in this scene are bad. Not the worst by any means, but sometimes it takes a little extra something to bring a bad scene over the edge into the realm of eternal camp. In this case it is a kung fu priest who kicks ass in the name of the lord. Divine intervention has never been this funny.

Killer Condom: Condoms

In a world where only one man has the courage to stave off a horde of dick munching condoms, Luigi Macaroni is the champion of practitioners of safe-sex the world over. Seriously though, this movie got made . . . and it’s awesome!

Blood Predator: The Predator

After watching this clip I have deduced three things:

1. Barb is pretty much useless.
2. Just because you have a gun with unlimited bullets, doesn’t mean you have good aim.
3. CGI is not for every movie.

Riki-Oh: Oscar

Rope is overrated.

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14 responses to Top Tube Picks: Merlin and the Mystical Tale of the Crappy Special Effects

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Neil

I can’t believe you missed Shark Attack 3: Megalodon from the list. Probably the worst CGI known to man. Even the climax of Highlander beats it!

Jack

I agree with Neil. Not including the abomination of a film, Shark Attack 3, is inexcusable.

jeremy.

I actually think that many episodes of Doctor Who have really good special effects. Torchwood on the other hand seems a little sloppy at times.

Francesca

What about the Scorpion King in ‘Mummy Returns’? Yikes.

Richard

The Brits do not “awkwardly” add an “r” to their pronunciation of ass. It’s the other English speakers around the world who awkwardly dropped the “r”.

superl33t

Cataline Stone: [sigh] I’m exhausted.
Ben Carpenter: Yeah, me too. But you know I’m really wired. What do you say I… take you home and eat your pussy.

hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Shark Attack 3!!! best movie ever

Matt

I remember The Root Of All Evil (Trees 2) had some very dodgy effects, I think that was down to the fact that it had a tiny budget and only one guy to do all the CGI. But that doesn’t change the fact that they are stupendously bad.

bobby

I am English and we never say Ass we have always said Arse, it is only the Americans who to my knowledge use Ass.

The-Mogul

I’m Scottish and can also confirm that “arse” is a word here. It’s generally considered rougher and more offensive than “ass” which is seen as a childish Americanism used when you don’t feel Arse is appropriate (ie. like using “what the heck” instead of “what the hell”)

I can also agree that the CGI in Shark Attack 3 and The Mummy Returns are both hilariously bad.

You can’t really blame the BBC for having dodgy effects. They get a minuscule amount of the budget that US networks get (and even then they get slaughtered in the press for overspending since they’re public funded!) I just wish they’d stop trying to use CGI and stick to practical effects which they are better at. (Doctor Who being a case in point.)

Although it has cheesy effects, Dead Alive is the best horror-comedy ever. Period.

Max Tedaldi

I figured I’d leave it out just because it is on so many people’s lists of worst sfx ever. That movie is remarkable for so many many reasons: the fx, the dialogue, and the disastrous omission of casper van dien from the cast.

Ok…so for the worst movie ever…it has to be Alien Apocalypse starring Bruce Campbell…the worst plot, dialogue, special effects and acting i have ever seen in my life…none of these movies, as bad as they are, come close….