This game review is going to be very simple for me. Why? Because Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 has the best game feature ever designed: Motion Control Boobies. That is the entirety of my review. If you aren’t already getting out of your seat to go down to your local Gamestop and pick up a copy, let me say that again. Motion. Control. Boobies! Team Ninja really pulled out all the stops for this game, making it one of the first re-releases that is worth paying full price for. They tweaked the difficulty, fixed a ton of errors, added more depth to the story, added plenty of new characters to play, gave you new weapons and abilities to play around with, and even gave the game a complete graphical overhaul … except none of this matters because Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 has Motion Control Boobies, and no matter how serious I try to get in this review, it will always come back down to that. Hell, Motion Control Boobies were such a big feature they created a viral video marketing campaign about it! Bet you can’t see this ninja!

I suppose it’s a lucky twist of fortune that I don’t have to describe Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 a whole lot, considering that my mind keeps going back to the boobies. It is basically Ninja Gaiden 2, with a whole lot of extras added in. Even though there is a gratuitous amount of new cut scenes and story aspects, the story of Ryu Hayabusa avenging his father in the classic ninja way stays solid. The game is very straight forward and doesn’t fuck around. It’s an action game, and action games mean slicing down hoards of baddies one after another as you plug on to your next save point or boss fight. This is what every stage of the game is like, with very little variation from the formula. Sometimes you have to do some platforming, but not often, and sometimes there are small branching paths, but that occurs even less often than the platforming. Overall, stages are just large pretty barren landscapes for you to dish out your own personal type of ninja vengeance on all who step in your way, and you will, with gusto.

Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 is that violent game that mothers in the nineties were worried about their children playing. Limb amputation is a key mechanic of the game, and, its true, chopping off body parts becomes pretty blasé by time you get past the first few stages. Still, mom doesn’t have to worry because blood and other gore effects seem to have been toned down quite a bit from Ninja Gaiden’s previous installments. It creates an almost humorous effect in which it appears as if all your opponents are simply animated empty costumes or suits of armor, and although this is funny the first time you see it, it doesn’t really detract from the game. You’ll pretty much ignore the lack of gore once the action picks up, and this game has plenty of action.

The controls are responsive, almost absurdly so. This is good because the move lists in this game look like a subway map! I’d be lying if I said I remembered each particular combo for each particular weapon. Instead I defaulted to button mashing, and although that normally would get me killed in Ninja Gaiden games due to their legendary difficulty, I was surprised that this time around I survived. The difficulty of Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 has been coated in foam rubber, but the inside is still the same hard iron sword that you remember. Basically, the game is more accessible to newbies now, but still manages to kick your ass hardcore in certain areas. If you are really sadistic, you can always up the difficulty with the two harder modes that you eventually unlock.

I’ve gotten a bit off track here … Motion Control Boobies! Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 gives you 3 other characters to play as other than Ryu Hayabusa, and they are all gorgeous scantily clad ninja girls with humongous breasts! You have seen them all before, but that doesn’t make them any less sexy. Rachael from Ninja Gaiden Sigma 1 comes back, and is joined by Ayane, who is better known from Dead or Alive, and Momiji, the female ninja who had an important role in the obscure Ninja Gaiden Dragon Sword for the Nintendo DS. Each character’s campaign is unique, and although you tread through many of the same stages, each character comes with new bosses, and more importantly new story! Also, these new characters come with Motion Control Boobies! Yes, I wasn’t lying or exaggerating, you can actually shake the controller to control how the female characters’ boobs jiggle. This is the only thing that motion controls accomplish in this game, and it is the single most important gameplay mechanic for male gamers.

There is online multiplayer functionality but none which exists within the actual campaign. The multiplayer missions are fun but you feel like you are losing something by playing a different game mode just so you can team up with one of your buddies. Without the driving aspect of the story guiding you, all you really have are repetitive scenarios where you cut down hoards of enemies. Don’t get me wrong, slaughtering enemy ninjas and counting your Asians per minute is a lot of fun but your interest in it wanes over time. These and the single player challenge missions which are also separate from the campaign were obviously meant to give the game some replay value, but in the end they only appeal to the hardest of the hardcore.

Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 is the definitive version of the game. The earlier Xbox 360 iteration was good, but this version is not only more accessible, it just has more crammed into it. I don’t really agree with the policy of releasing a game on one system, and then releasing it later on another system with more features because it always seems to make one group of people feel as if they wasted their money on getting the watered down version in the first place. Still, I actually don’t feel this way about Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2. All the extra features really did make me feel like I was playing a new game, a new game that was worth the full price tag. OK, maybe not really worth the full price tag, but spending 50 bucks on this game certainly is not out of the question. It has tons of upgrades to gameplay, graphics, and story, and in the end you should get it for one reason and one reason only … MOTION CONTROL BOOBIES!!!

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