Simon Belmont VS Indiana Jones: Whip Weapon Warfare

Share on Facebook posted 02-05-10 by 30 Ninjas Staff

Here at 30ninjas we are obsessed with massive explosions, bone-breaking fight scenes, and a 30 car pile-up always grabs our attention. Because of our need to discover the best the world has to offer in the genre of mind-blowing, we often find ourselves in heated, emotional, and most likely violent arguments over which explosion was bigger, which fight scene more bloody, and which car wreck more destructive. That is why Angelo and myself have decided to collaborate on these series of articles: To decide once and for all, who is right and heir to the 30ninjas throne of destruction and mayhem. Each week we will be picking two comparable items within the realms of video-games and movies and duke it out for bragging rights. Got something you’d like to see on Versus, let us know in the comment section.

Week 1: Simon Belmont’s Whip VS Indiana Jones’ Whip

Simon Belmont’s Whip by Angelo

What it is:

The Belmont family whip, also known as the Vampire Killer, was forged by the great (and overdramatic) alchemist Rinaldo Gandolfi. Using plans derived from God’s own design, the whip, originally called the Whip of Alchemy, was forged for one purpose: to cleanse the world of evil, specifically the evil of the undead. Leon Belmont, the “First Belmont’s” love, Sara Trantoul, sacrificed her life before the full curse of vampirism overtook her, in order to imbue the whip with powerful holy powers. The mixture of her half breed blood and the whip’s own powerful innate alchemical magicks make it a bane to all vampires and one of the most powerful melee weapons of gaming history.

What it does:

The whip is about one and a half times as long as a human body, reported to be 6-7 feet long in most Castlevania storylines. It has powerful shape-changing abilities that allow it to grow and shrink in response to the wielder’s own fighting spirit, and take several forms including a leather whip, a chain whip, and a morning star. The whip can also be enchanted with several elemental magicks including ice, lighting, and the most famous imbuement, fire, which allows it to fire long range projectiles in the form of balls of flame. It is sturdy enough to hold more than one man’s weight, and has been used to swing from high places and climb walls with ease. It has also been enchanted to pass down the fighting prowess of the entire lineage of the Belmont clan to anyone who holds it. It has the unfortunate drawback of sucking the life out of anyone who wields it that is not from the Belmont bloodline, but that is a small price to pay for such unlimited power.

Why it wins:

Are you kidding me? We are putting up Indiana Jones’s whip against a holy relic of immeasurable power? Let’s go over the facts here. The Vampire Killer is unbreakable, extendable, mutable, and can shoot fireballs! It has survived for hundreds of years, from the far past into the distant future. It has been wielded by over 25 different owners, all to kill the king vampire himself, Dracula, and any number of other near immortal supernatural beasties, and we are putting it up against a toy from Harrison Ford’s wonder years? No contest. Even if we ignore the years and years of Castlevania plot which has expanded on the whip’s abilities and focus only on what Simon can do with it, we still have an unbreakable, extendable, holy leather whip that can turn into a thorn laden vine, a chain whip, a morning star, or a whip made out of pure flame! Simon defeated Death itself with this thing! No contest. If you are looking for a real man’s whip, pick yourself a Vampire Killer today!

(Important Note: 30ninjas does not recommend fighting Death without a full complement of knives, axes, bibles, crosses, stopwatches, and bottles full of holy water, as well as the hearts needed to power them. 30ninjas is not responsible for mortal injury, death, or loss of soul due to usage of the Vampire Killer by people outside of the Belmont bloodline.]

Indiana Jones’ Whip by Max

What it is:

This is the weapon that the legendary/charming Indiana Jones used to single-handedly defeat Hitler and the Nazi’s during World War II. Think Inglorious Basterds is dripping with vicious Nazi-killers? This is the original. If Indy’s whip had a name it would be The Devourer of Nazi Souls. It is the weapon that has gotten him out of countless jams and led him to victory over his fascist foes.

What it does:

Indy’s whip doesn’t proclaim any special powers, but its uses are endless, a fact that is not ignored by its owner. While other whip yielders may be content to follow Devo’s advice and only use the whip one way, Dr. Jones’ whip is far more useful. Throughout the trilogy this whip is used to fight Nazi’s, disarm them, swing and evade them, he even uses it as a zip-line to evade them. In what is perhaps the best moment in the less than stellar Temple of Doom, Indy uses his whip to grab Willie and smootch the crap out of her despite her waning protest. Chauvinistic for sure, but also seriously sweet!

Why it wins:

OK, so it can’t transform into a chain, morning star, or whip of flame, but despite its lack of supernatural power, Indy’s whip manages to take on the most evil force in existence . . . and wins! The whip enhances Indiana’s own power without overwhelming it. At the end of the original Castlevania Simon Belmont mopes around like a little emo bitch because he thinks that it was his whip’s power and not his own that defeated Dracula. Have you even seen Indiana Jones moping around? Have you even seen him do anything other than steal treasure, crush Nazi’s and bed co-eds? Exactly. Such is the power of his whip. Also, did Simon Belmont ever get any sweet nightclub singer ass because he used his whip as a wingman? Nope.

So it’s Whip Versus Whip. SImon Belmont Versus Indiana Jones? Who Wins? Only you can decide! Let us know in the comment section