The Best Action Hero Mullets of All Time

Share on Facebook posted 04-08-10 by Max Tedaldi

A couple weeks ago I wrote an article about one of the most notorious action hero accessories, the mustache. If you missed it be sure to check it out here. In the article I spoke about the not so subtle clout that a well-coiffed mustache affords an action star. Action stars need to be manly and nothing says Paul Bunyan like a mustache ready to spring into action.

Today I’d like to talk about another weapon in the action star’s arsenal. A trump card so powerful and awesome that its powers can take even the most flaccid of heroes and transform him into a do-I-look-like-I-give-a-fuck-rock-star-bad-ass. What is it, you ask, that could possibly out perform the action stache in terms of machismo clout? I’m talking of course about the action hero mullet:

Mullet, mul·let (mŭl’ĭt): a hairstyle that is short at the front and sides, and long in the back, and facetiously referred to as “business in the front, party in the back”, the mullet began to appear in popular media in the 1960s and 1970s but did not become generally well-known until the early 1980s. It continued to be popular until the early 1990s and has enjoyed a partial return to favor as a retro look in the 2000s – Wikipedia

It is no coincidence that there are a multitude of mullets in action movies. As the “business in the front, party in the back” moniker would suggest, we like our action stars primed and chomping at the bit, ready to kick-ass, but we also like to see our heroes chill out, sip a mai-tai, and spit some game to the ladies. It is this dichotomy that makes the mullet a necessity in the action genre. Here is what I’m talking about:

Mel Gibson, Lethal Weapon

As part of the 80′s action duo Riggs and Murtaugh, Mel Gibson was quick with his gun, and sharp with his tongue. What really made him an icon, however, was his luscious Neck-Warmer. Mel kept the haircut all the way through the third film, but got so much flack during the filming of Lethal Weapon 3 for his mullet (welcome to the 90′s!?) that he cut it off for the fourth installment. This might help to explain why Lethal Weapon 4 had the worst performance at the box-office of any of the Weapon sequels.

Kurt Russell, Big Trouble in Little China

Russell’s Kentucky Waterfall tends to get overshadowed by the horrible SFX and camp goodness of BTILC. Russell plays Jack Burton, a wise-cracking all-American trucker who gets sucked into a mystical world of supernatural martial arts and spirits. The plot is insane but if you are ready for an action comedy that doesn’t take itself too seriously you are in for a treat. Just watch this clip of a villain self-destruct and you will bowing down to the auteur magnificence of John Carpenter. Just try not to be blinded by the angelic glory of Russell’s haircut.

Kiefer Sutherland, The Lost Boys

It is with equal parts joy and nostalgia that I am able to reveal a young Jack Bauer as the proud owner of a Tennessee Tophat. The Lost Boys is a cult treasure mullet-fest. Almost every character is sporting one. With that said, I would like to call your attention to what is bar-none the best scene in the film. The concert scene, and the clip that I have included, in which Tim Cappello, a super beefcake, performs his shirtless rendition of “I Still Believe”. It is cinema at its finest. For an equally hysterical video check out the SNL parody “Sergio“.

Sylvester Stallone, Rambo III

Sly was still rockin’ out a feathered ‘do when First Blood was released in 1982. It was disappointing, but understandable. When Rambo: First Blood Part II came out in 1985 he had permed it but kept the reasonable long-all-over length. It wasn’t until Rambo III that Sly kept the perm and clipped the top to reveal his sampsonite source of power, his Achy-breaky-bad-mistakey. Maybe that’s why when Rambo III was released it went into the Guiness Book of World Records as the most violent film of all time with 221 acts of violence and over 108 deaths.

Jean-Claude Van Damme, Hard Target

Kurt Russell was originally considered for the role of Chance Boudreaux, which eventually went to Jean-Claude Van Damme. We think that might have something to do with the lustrous curls JCVD employs in his cranial squirrel pelt. Hard Target marked director John Woo’s first Hollywood action film. He followed it up with the action classics Broken Arrow and Face/Off. John Woo = Action film legend.

Patrick Swayze, Roadhouse

The period from 1984-1989 can be labeled as the era of the Patrick Swayze mullet. I had a wide assortment of films to choose from that accurately depict the fine grooming habits used to maintain Mr. Swayze’s Canadian Passport, but Road House is the best. The story of a philosophy major turned barroom bouncer is one that transcends cinema. Most cultures, in fact, have a parable that directly mirrors this age old tale. Seriously though, Swayze is bomb in this movie. “Pain don’t hurt!”

Danny Mcbride, Tropic Thunder

Only a character with design lines in his mullet can pull off a line like, “Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!”.

Brian Bosworth, Stone Cold

Always controversial Seattle Seahawks linebacker Brian “The Boz” Bosworth made his film debut in the 1991 film Stone Cold. Also cast in the film were Hard Target villain Lance Henriksen and William Forsythe, but the real star of the film was Bosworth’s multi-colored Missouri Compromise. Stone Cold is ultra-violent, and features a climactic killing spree by “The Boz” that is unforgettable. Infiltrating biker gangs has never looked so good.

Nicolas Cage, Con Air

What began for Nicholas Cage as an innocent hillbilly mullet in Con Air, quickly devolved into a slew of films more famous for Cage’s crappy haircut than his considerable acting chops. Next, and National Treasure both try to portray Cage as a veritable action star, but these films pail in comparison to the 90′s action classic Con Air. He’s so good in this movie that he can make even innocuous quotes like, “Put… the bunny… back… in the box.” seem downright intimidating.

Will Forte, MacGruber / Richard Dean Anderson, MacGyver

MacGruber was the SNL homage to another famous Soccer Rocker Macguyver. As, such I had an impossible choice to make — which one of these fine, upstanding, back flow wielders do I include on the list. You may as well ask me to choose between Boba Fett and Han Solo, so of course I chose both! Sure, this movie is over-the-top silly but anyone who manages to take an “upper-decker” and brag about it, all while sporting a bad-ass back-track, deserves inclusion on this list.

Honorable Mention, Captain Planet

Captain Planet’s looks were modeled after the DC comic hero Captain Atom, with one very important inclusion: A grass green mullet blessed with the combined powers of wind, water, fire, earth, and heart. Captain Planet was environmental propaganda at its finest but no one really noticed because they were too distracted by an emerald-hued mullet taking pollution down to zero. That song is way too catchy for its own good!