The Top 10 Games We Are Looking Forward To, But Will Probably Suck Anyway

Share on Facebook posted 02-20-10 by Angelo D'Argenio

Hold on, hold on, hold on. I know that you are immediately zooming to the comments section ready to flame us for even suggesting that these following games might suck. Let’s get one thing straight: we don’t want these games to suck. In fact, deep down in our hearts, we are still riding the hype train and hoping that each and every one of these will be a ridiculously big blockbuster gaming title. The games on this list include titles from some of the most iconic franchises in gaming history, and some of the biggest hit series of today. Still, whether its past experience, flawed design theory, lack of originality, or just a premise that really rubs us the wrong way, we can’t help but look at these titles and sigh at the inevitability that … they will probably suck … even though we really, really, REALLY don’t want them to. Prove us wrong developers!

Sengoku Basara Samurai Heroes

Bet you haven’t heard of this game. Well we have. We are importers and we have played just about every action based game under the sun, American-made or otherwise. Sengoku Basara Samurai Heroes is basically Dynasty Warriors, but made by Capcom. Now don’t get us wrong, samurai mowing down legions of peons sounds fun but, of all of Capcom’s franchises, this isn’t one of the more successful. Heck, the best Sengoku Basara in our opinion was Sengoku Basara X, which was a fighting game, which is what Capcom does best. The announcement of Sengoku Basara’s coming to American shores this year made us happy, but in reality, we will probably play this game for a couple minutes and then let it collect dust. Hell, that’s what we did with Dynasty Warriors, and that game, arguably, perfected the formula.

Lego Universe

The Lego series of games is popular because it takes all of your favorite classic action movies and turns them into a cute and enjoyable parody for the whole family to play. However, without the classic action movies, it sort of seems like there is no point. Lego Universe is just that, an attempt for the Lego franchise to cash in on the MMO craze. When it was first announced, we hoped that we all could be Lego Darth Vader, but it turns out we are all just going to be faceless Lego men in a world filled with thousands of them.

Beyond Good and Evil 2

Post apocalyptic wastelands and pig men… that’s what this game is all about. Well, OK, actually this game is actually a sequel to the 2003 cross platform game Beyond Good and Evil, which was meant to be the first in a trilogy of games. Unfortunately BGAE never met with financial success, and most gamers assumed it was simply abandoned. It was a good game though, so the prospect of a sequel makes us happy. Unfortunately, BGAE was kind of cartoonish in nature, and its sequel is now only being released on the hardcore platforms of the PS3 and the Xbox 360. We played it on the Gamecube and loved it, but we have to believe it will meet with even less financial success in this second iteration, unless of course, Ubisoft attempts to make the game more mainstream, which would pretty much guarantee its transition into suckitude. We had hoped that the teaser would show off some gameplay that would make us think otherwise, but instead all we got was fly snorting.

Deux Ex 3

Both Deus Ex and Deux Ex: Invisible War were great games that combined the best aspects of the stealth, first person shooter, and RPG genres into one sci-fi masterpiece. Now Deus Ex 3 is coming out, and no one remembers it. Boo. Originally, Deus Ex came out on one console, and both Windows and Mac operating systems. Then, it only came out on the Xbox and Windows. Now, it is only coming out on Windows. This is great news for us PC Gamer addicts, but bad news for everyone else. When was the last time you heard of a PC exclusive release being a blockbuster game? That’s what we thought.

Max Payne 3

The world simply doesn’t need any more Max Payne. There, we just came out and said it. Max Payne was a great game. Max Payne 2 was a great game. Max Payne the movie was … well Max Payne 1 and 2 were great games. The thing is, Max Payne was one of those games that worked great as a one-of idea. With each successive iteration of the franchise, the story and gameplay become stretched further and further until eventually they will become so hokey and unplayable it just won’t be fun anymore. Let’s look at the facts. The game will be made my Rockstar, it will come out multiplatform, and it will feature Max Payne, a world-weary and cynical character as more world-weary and cynical than ever. This all sounds good on paper, but somewhere deep down inside we think this will be like Condemned 2, just another example of a franchise that overstayed its welcome. We agree with the trailer … it is getting worse.

Final Fantasy XIV

Square–Enix just has to stop trying to make MMOs. Final Fantasy XI was interesting, but it certainly wasn’t a Final Fantasy proper, and it definitely did not deserve a number in its title. It was a spin-off like all the rest, and it should have been treated as such. No matter how good Final Fantasy XIV is, it won’t be a true Final Fantasy. It won’t have an innovative battle system, or an interesting, but linear plot. It will simply be another MMO in a crowd of MMOs that are getting their asses handed to them by World of Warcraft. Give up the ghost Square. Blizzard won. You own our souls so we of course will play anything you put out with a Final Fantasy title on it, but the chances of you coming anywhere close to Blizzard’s success is a million to one.

Sonic & Sega All Stars Racing

It really feels like Sega is grabbing at straws here. First of all, they didn’t have the guts to just make it Sonic racing, just so we were clear that this was an absolute rip off of Mario Kart. No, they had to include the rest of Sega’s lineup, which pretty much proves that no one remembers what Sega did except for Sonic. Remember how Sonic Riders never took off? Well, this is just going to do that much worse. We like party racing games, we really do, but why the fuck does Sonic drive a car? He’s the fastest thing alive! As fun as this game might be it is fated to fade into obscurity, because Mario Kart seems to be the only acceptable party racing game in existence.

Halo: Reach

Halo: Reach should be titled Halo: Again because that is what it is. It’s Halo … again. Do we really need another Halo game? ODST just came out and people are still playing Halo 3! What possible reason do we need for another Halo game so soon. What will Halo Reach give us? New weapons? New game types? New vehicles? Hell it will probably sport all of that stuff, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is just Halo again. Halo 2 felt like Halo 1, and Halo 3 felt like Halo 2. Regardless of how excited we are for Halo: Reach, we don’t think it will bring anything new to the Halo franchise. Heck, we are almost totally certain this is just another excuse for Bungie to cash in on the Halo name without doing much with it. Analysts are saying that this will be the best selling game of 2010, and still, deep down at its very core, we are certain it is going to be a disappointment, at least to us.

Red Steel 2

Quite frankly, we don’t know why we are excited about this game. The original Red Steel kind of blew. It was a poor shooter and a poor action game with poor controls and a poor story. Then Red Steel 2 comes along and we all start acting like all that disappeared now that it is a western, anime inspired, FPS, hack and slash game. It’s like Wii Motion Plus suddenly erased all of the shit we had to put up with in Red Steel 1. However, no matter how much we remember just how bad Red Steel 1 sucked, we want to pick up Red Steel 2, just to see if it delivers. Nintendo claims it might be a revolution in motion control technology, but we know it will probably just be another Indy game that fails to impress.

Final Fantasy Versus XIII

We are excited about this game. We are really, REALLY excited about this game. It’s a real-time anime style combat RPG with Tetsuya Nomura at the head set in the Final Fantasy XIII universe. That sounds, absolutely fucking amazing. It makes our mouths water just thinking about doing high flying stunts off the tops of buildings and slashing our enemies to pieces and all of this fun stuff. There is only one problem: Final Fantasy spinoffs mostly suck. Remember Final Fantasy X-2? How about Final Fantasy Mystic Quest? Did you guys ever play Chocobo’s Magic Dungeon? Quite frankly, this awesome premise for a game has history running against it. If anyone can prove history wrong, it’s Tetsuya Nomura, but that doesn’t change the fact that there is a huge chance that this game will quite simply blow.