10. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

The premise of this movie, much like the premise of the comic, was kind of cool. Put together a whole bunch of Victorian-era fictional characters in a superhero setting and run with it. Unfortunately, somewhere down the line they decided to cram all the canonical comic book plot into 15 minutes, and fill the rest of the 2 hours with fluff and shots of Sean Connery’s beard. Bad move, and shame on you, Sean Connery, for agreeing to do something like this.

9. Ghost Rider

I admit the special effects were cool, and I am a supporter of anything that gives moviemakers an excuse to add motorcycle stunts to their movies, but the whole thing felt dry, and Nicolas Cage portraying the Ghost Rider seemed a whole lot more whiny than his bad@$$ comic-book counterpart. This movie actually could have benefited from less exposition and more flaming-head motorcycle stunts.

8. Catwoman

Batman movies have ranged from spectacular (with its latest incarnation of The Dark Knight) to just plain awful (get to the end of the article, and you’ll see what I mean). Comic book buffs might remember that Catwoman was the alter ego of Selina Kyle who is … mysteriously absent from this film? What genius decided that the plot would be improved by ditching the main character?!?

7. Elektra

Daredevil, cool. Elektra … not so much. Catwoman showed us that superhero movie spin-offs about a female counterpart don’t work … or at least haven’t worked yet (it was all I could do to not put Supergirl on this list). Elektra is no exception. The theme of the movie seems to be “Elektra is a ninja,” which is cool, but was expressed quite nicely in her shorter appearances in Daredevil.

6. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

At the very beginning of this movie, Stan Lee was not let in to Reed Richards’ and Susan Storm’s wedding, and that served as symbolism for the rest of the movie, because I can assure you he had nothing to do with it. Along the way, they meet the Silver Surfer, who appears to get his power from his board (he doesn’t), who is ushering the way for Galactus, who is apparently a gigantic space nebula (he isn’t) to eat planet earth. The Silver Surfer’s weakness is apparently scientific jargon (he doesn’t have a weakness), and he eventually gives up his own power to blow up Galactus (can’t do that). All of this adds up to a really fantastic movie to watch (it isn’t).

5. Howard the Duck

This movie failed at stage one. I like the Howard the Duck comics, but in no way, shape, or form were they ever supposed to be made into movies. The lovable cartoony spin-off of an otherwise serious comic book universe had his place in all of our hearts … and then the ’80s happened. In fact, that’s the best way I can describe it: The ’80s happened. Damn you, ’80s, for ruining everything we held sacred in our childhood.

4. Steel

Athletes should stick to what they are good at: sports. Can anyone remember a good movie with a sports star in the leading role? Shaq’s portrayal of Steel was somewhere between incorrect and downright ludicrous. Something tells me it would have been better if he were capable of evincing emotion — any at all — or if his oversized foam costume weren’t making his every move look robotic. At least I think it was the costume that did that.

3. Superman 4

I tried as hard as I could not to put this movie on the list, but it was so bad I couldn’t help myself. Nuclear Man … really? I mean, this movie came out during the whole eco-scare phenomenon of the late ’80s, but the whole thing was just so wrong. Nuclear Man’s absurd tan-colored costume made him appear as if he wasn’t wearing pants, and when did Superman get brick vision!? The budget of this movie was so low that sometimes you saw portions of the green screen during Superman’s flying scenes. Oh, Superman, you have fallen so low.

2. Judge Dredd

The name of this movie translates into “fair warning” when you consider just what the premise was. Eighties comics were all kind of goofy and ’90s comics were all really dark, but this grunge-rock judge, jury, and executioner dresses in bright red and gold and brandishes a Sega Zapper …. Well, that’s neither here nor there, now is it? The vain premise of “Cursed Earth” was only slightly more improbable than Judge Dredd’s massive shoulder bling.

1. Batman and Robin

Nipples on the bat suit. I really don’t have to go any further than that. Never mind the almost neon look of the dark Gotham City, the horrible choice of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, the almost laughably short cameo appearance of Bane, the unimpressive performance of Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, the eight tons of melodrama surrounding the simple addition of Batgirl into the Bat team, the horrendous fight sequences between city gangs, the random replacement of Val Kilmer as Batman with George Clooney while keeping the rest of the cast steady, or the fact that this somehow managed to be worse than Jim Carrey as the Riddler. No, all I have to say is Bat Nipples, and I’m done.

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• Ron Howard Has Nightmares, Does Comic Book Adaptation
• Charlize Theron Would Love to Play Catwoman
• The iPad is the Future of Comic Books?
• The Dueling Movie Philosophies of Marvel and DC Comics