The Times ran a story about Heath Bell, a talented but blubberous bust of a relief pitcher for The New York Mets, who went over to be the San Diego Padres closer and is now suddenly all ripped and conditioned and pitching like gangbusters. Why a guy getting paid well into the six figures needs a freakin’ video game to get into shape and do his job is beyond me, but check out the story — the former fat-ass claims that he lost 30 pounds by playing Wii fit:

http://bats.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/25/a-personal-trainer-plugged-into-the-tv/#more-5571

I’m way too fat and tired to play Wii Fit. Isn’t there a pill I can take, or a button I can press, that will play the game for me?