When Spartacus is asked, “How many men would you kill to hold your wife again?” his response is indicative of what we can expect from Starz’ new series: “I would kill them all.” Bad-ass. It’s clear that we can look forward to Spartacus’ slaying as much Roman fodder as he can until he is finally able to bed his Thracian piece of ass one more time. And is there any more noble cause than that?

Watching the premier of Spartacus: Blood and Sand this past Friday I was confronted with a dilemma that I’m sure most audience members experienced as well. What do I value the most in my early weekend hour of easily disposable television? Is it blood that splatters so violently and copiously out of an errant jugular vein that Ichi the Killer himself would get a little squeamish? Or is it the unabashed purity of baseless sex scenes? The real beauty of Spartacus is that in no way are you forced to choose between this two essential elements of quality television. The blood flows as does the bodily fluid.

Spartacus is the kind of show where you have to know what you’re getting yourself into before you start watching. It’s TV-MA to the extreme. Adult content? Check. Adult language, nudity and violence? Check, check and check. In terms of delivering on these adult-themed promises, Spartacus delivers. in this retelling of the classic story made famous by Kirk Douglas’ braun you’ll be disappointed if you tune in expecting a love story immortalized by passion and antiquity. If you tune in expecting to see fine-tuned narration and exemplary acting akin to the films Gladiator and Julius Caesar, you are also going to be disappointed. But if movies like 300 and Beowulf satisfied your cinematic action cravings then you just got a new favorite show.

The story has been told before, most notably in 1960 by Stanley Kubrick. The Thracian soldier Spartacus joins the Roman military to protect his village only to be betrayed and labeled a deserter. Once captured he is marked for death only to find celebrity in the gladiatorial arena. I think he eventually leads some sort of rebellion or something, but the real fun, at least so far, is Spartacus’ participation in the fighting and orgies that come with the job description of gladiator. The only way that Spartacus will ever see his beloved wife again is kill as many people as possible. And if the first episode is any indication of Spartacus’ proficiency with a sword, I would say that this number is probably on the absurd side.

Spartacus is sure to draw numerous and, to be honest, pretty accurate comparisons to 300, particularly in visual style and the graphic nature of the sex scenes. Some of the fight sequences seem like they could be have cut and pasted directly from the 2006 thriller. Here’s the thing though, just because the effect has been done before doesn’t make it any less satisfying. They could slow down, and then quickly speed up every scene in the show and I would still find it ridiculously entertaining. After watching the pilot episode, I honestly don’t know if I will be able to watch another fight scene where a quick slice of a blade doesn’t yield a slow-motion, vividly crimson, blood splatter of a freshly amputated arm. It’s fun and cool and it really doesn’t matter if it’s not oscar-quality because who can sit through The English Patient without falling asleep anyway.

If nothing else, Spartacus is excellent at not trying to be anything that it is not. It is a sleek, bloody and sex-fueled action show. As such, the production values for the show are great. Action sequences and special effects both look silver-screen quality and the desaturated color palette of the visuals makes the blood splatters really pop. The sex scenes are bordering on soft-core, with enough cuts and fade-outs to keep it R-rated on the porn spectrum. It all makes for a lot of fun. Award worthy? Probably not, but what would you rather watch on a Friday night, a Thracian bamf severing limbs and enjoying his rightful carnal rewards, or Jennifer Love Hewitt whining about spirits on The Ghost Whisperer? I thought so.

Check out episode two this Friday on Starz or, if you are so blessed, stream it from Netflix.

Seen Spartacus: Blood and Sand? Did the blood, gore and sex rock your world? Or did the show leave you less than satisfied? Let us know in the Comments Section!

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